Case studies in conscious coupling

The Hollywood and music A-listers Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin have announced their separation in a statement declaring their intention to "consciously uncouple" while continuing to co-parent and while remaining "in many ways closer than we have ever been".

Any fool can divorce, but it takes commitment to achieve conscious uncoupling; to "discard blame, release belief structures and find wholeness in separation".

There are several stages a couple must go through in order to reach consciousness. They will start with unconscious uncoupling. This occurs when at least one side is aware of the growing emotional gulf between them and can reflect the asymmetric nature of consciousness. (My first experience of this was made worse because I was unconscious that uncoupling was imminent, though the object of my affection was not since she was consciously coupling with someone else. On the other hand we were both nine at the time.)

A classic incident of unconscious uncoupling is the Carney case, where the Bank of England fell for a particular economic measure, the unemployment rate, as a guide to interest rate policy. But the measure refused to act as the BoE expected, causing an unacknowledged schism. Things became very awkward. The unemployment rate resented governor Mark Carney's refusal to recognise the "immense personal strides" it had taken and disliked being referred to as an "indicator". It accused him of getting "very friendly" with the output gap and would not return his phone calls.

The key to consciousness is, of course, alienation. Often this begins with subconscious uncoupling. One example is the relationship between David Cameron and Nick Clegg. Here Britain's two coalition partners, who have worked together for years now, find themselves out of sync over constitutional reform, the EU and how much they hate foreigners. While they appear to still be in harmony, they are less often seen together in public and, when they are spotted, they are often leaning away from each other and never smiling at the same time. In many ways, however, they are closer than they have ever been.

The subconscious uncoupling is often followed by the subconscious coupling with a third party. But subconscious coupling can only develop if there is simultaneous subconsciousness of the desire to couple. If one party remains unconscious it may be necessary for the other to act in a consciousness-inducing manner. Many noticed the Danish prime minister taking a selfie with Barack Obama at Nelson Mandela's memorial service, but few saw the significance when Mr Cameron leaned in to join the president in the shot. Mr Clegg could be seen a few rows away gazing sadly into the middle distance.

After this comes preconscious uncoupling. This exists when one or both parties can see the looming breach but act as if it is not actually going to happen. The US Treasury market is in a state of preconscious uncoupling with the US Federal Reserve. In this highly volatile state one side can overreact massively in order to secure reassurance that all remains well. Both sides know the rupture is coming but take out a full-page advertisement declaring themselves "very married".

Conscious uncoupling can be detected in the Cameron/Clegg relationship as elections near and they need to re-establish separate political identities. Both stress their individuality but remain committed co-parents of the austerity regime and find wholeness in separation, though they struggle with the "discarding blame" bit. Both seem to cope well with the release of belief structures, and in many ways they are closer than they have ever been.

There is, however, no inevitable dialectic. Conscious uncoupling can be followed by subconscious or semi-conscious recoupling. Even while apparently uncoupling, Mr Cameron and Mr Clegg may be semi-consciously recoupling in case electoral arithmetic requires a further period of co-parenting. Semi-conscious acts might involve a family dinner, a nice game of tennis or a joint initiative against the energy companies.

We can also see multiple co-existing levels of consciousness. Mr Clegg may be uncoupling from Mr Cameron and semi-consciously preparing to consciously couple with Ed Miliband while subconsciously readying himself for a conscious recoupling with Mr Cameron.

However it goes they will all, in many ways, be closer than they have ever been.

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robert.shrimsley@ft.com

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